i really like my blogger than multiply. i'm sorry to compare, but really, i feel better here than there. feels like home :p endorsement...
anyway, i hope i can always blog. i always want to put my thoughts here. it's really so depressing lately. i wanted to change my lay-out but i can't change it yet! don't have much time? don't think so.

that's JD eating the mobile... i miss him so much!

i realised i haven't been posting quite seriously lately. so here comes.
we went to Bacolod last october 29, and our trip went well. i had a good time with jd because i was treasuring every moment of it. now i found out it was not enough.
conference passed wihtout a fuss, except with that one time that the choir sang and no one was there to give the sequence. big fuss.
i wanted to stay, but i really must go home with the others. which was a huge mistake. the trip home was a downer.
now i'm just waiting.... for the absolution that would never come...

i really miss them. they were like the family i never had. they used to bring me whenever they go out, (waah i feel like crying again, i must stop now...)

"You never leave a place you love-- for you take a little bit of it with you and you leave a part of yourself behind"

i'm sure i'm talking about Guimaras...

it's the only place that has moved its way in to my heart. i don't know why. maybe because my grandparents are there. or because i have created special memories during my 10 months of stay there way back 1999.

memories of school... there's something in my school. there's something about the whole place actually. the serenity, maybe. oh god, im being sentimental.

but really... i dream of going there every single day of my life. i miss the smell of grass, even the animal manure! except for the pigs' stall. and i would sure love to see my grandmother and grandfather.

i have this music for my blog??? pathetic.

i know i like this music but to put in in my blog? i realized it too late. and i don't have time to change it to something less mushy yet.

i watched the HOLIDAY last night, (yes, after watching the LAST HOLIDAY) and they're both good. i really like queen latifah, she has never disappointed me in her movies (beauty shop -- the taxi). but the holiday... it's the best. (what, i'm a movie reviewer now?) aside from the fact that kate winslet is there, and cameron diaz, and the first time i've seen jude law, and even though i don't really dig jack black, it's fantastic. it's not so disappointing. except when kate and jack kissed. it would have been okay if she were playing rose again (titanic -- sequel anyone?)

but it's definitely okay. iris has been loving this man for 3 years which resulted to her worst christmas, birthdays, or anything, because this man doesn't love her back. so,... oh well. just see the movie. i might ruin the fun.

got something else to do. tootleloo!

i've been dying to change my blog's skin for so long yet i can't find the time, and i'd also get sentimental because it would mean saying goodbye to this pink page forever! i mean, i would never dare use this again if i plan to change this, right? it's really cute and i really spent a lot of time and effort doing this. and maybe that's also the reason why i can't come to changing this. i don't have time, and more time to have that "effort".

yesterday, it started to rain. they said that it was the first rain of may which signifies the beginning of the rainy season. *goody* i'm really excited for the rainy season... there are a lot of reasons. one would be the change in wardrobe.(except for the skirt, teehee.)

if i were to rate my summer this year, so far, it'd be at (uhm, from 1-10, 1 being the lowest..) *drum rolls* S-E-V-E-N. not bad, for me. but not yet satisfying. but i'm ok with that. so far.

i've to do something else.

april 20. it’s two thirty a.m. and i just finished watching A Prairie Home Companion. i skipped watching it, for like, hundreds of times because it was so boring, or so i thought.
maybe it was a bit boring at the beginning, but as the show goes, you will find the whole essence of the movie. the whole musical thing is nicely done too, and i started to like Meryl Streep, though i liked her before in her movie Falling in Love. she has a nice voice, and their “band” is truly captivating, if you’re as sentimental as i am. it’s more of contemporary, country, i’m-not-sure-what-it-is. boring, but nicely done.
i cried over one part, when a colleague died. it was so lonely. i think the whole movie was to make people realize that time is of the essence. everything comes to an end. people like the johnson sister’s mom, the old man, and also their radio show. and the movie itself. i almost didn’t want the singing to end, but it has to. like everything else.
i remember telling jade just this afternoon, how lonely the trees seem to sway as the sun’s rays fall on them one sunday afternoon, when usually i’d feel happy and grateful to hear the birds and see the sky, the trees and feel the wind. but it was really different that time. later i found out that lola grant just passed away. the next sunday i didn’t want to look outside.
but then it happened again. but i was in the kitchen this time and i looked outside and felt it again. i saw the loneliness in the swaying of the leaves, in the glitter of the sun. everything seemed lonely. days later, my high school teacher left. it was all so sudden. she got unconscious, they took her to the hospital, she was declared brain dead, the next morning, she’s gone. this is what i get from watching sad movies. finding the significance of it to my life. but quoting from a line in the movie i just watched, forgive the shortcomings. thank them for the love and care. and i suggest you cry. cry a lot.

well what do you know... 24 hours after i wrote my latest post, something happened that triggered us to completely move out of the house! finally...

so now, we are in our new house, apartment rather. it's small, not so decnt but it's bliss, just to know that we don't live with some... well, i'd rather not mention nasty descriptions.

so i'm in a new house, and a new job. we moved out of the house just a day after i got my things from my former job. it wasn't as drmatic as i imagined it'd be, because i have been absent for six days. that's 3 days in, 2 days out, and 3 days in. 2 over 8. my bosses were furious. being the 2nd top agent on my first month, and climbing to the top agent position on the next months til now, i gathered some respect though. so now the expectations are high on my new job.

i have to start earning for summer so i better do my job. yes, i still have work to do at this time. so beybey... (...that's quoting from hema)

i've been contemplating a lot lately. gods, its like my whole world's slowly shrinking to complete non-existence. it all starts with the house i'm in right now. it's almost hell. i'm dying to move out. problems seem to coem from both sides of the pole and from east till west. i hardly slept last night with all these thoughts. i am so desperate........... if not only for the thought of summer, i would have wished to be deadssssss. this coming summer would be very special for me because it would be our jubilee celebration, and i'll be seeing my grandparents and then jade's coming home. what's so exciting about that you might wonder? well, we are going to bacolod for one, i'm sure. then guimaras of course. then i'll cry a lot. but before all that i've had my chocolates from jade right? then the lolo and the lola are coming home with us... then it'd be their golden anniversary, won't that be exciting? so for now, i think i'll just take all the blows. the sun will come out tomorrow.....
God takes real good care of me. i know. i'm just too stubborn, thankyouverymuch.