blogging from tita par's room. i helped her make this internet work, so i'm given the chance to use it ;-)

nothing's new, oh but i got my credit card this week. and my first purchases for it were ice cream and a lot of food...

anyway, regarding work... the hostility was lessen this week thanks to my whopping approvals. but the few past weeks were hell. i get up & go to work and wonder "why am i going to work? nobody there likes me, let alone talk to me!" and i go home feeling soooooooooooo alone. but lately things are lighter, thanks to those new trainees. they're just super nice.

so... i'll blog again when i have so much time. i'm so deprived lately. deprived of chatting, deprived of sleep and even deprived of texting! whew... it's almost vacation time anyway!

imagine... i got time to blog!

life is so hectic lately... wake up as early as 6 a.m... well, okay at least not later than 7 okay? it's just too hard to get myself up! then i would get to the office at 9.01, but this morning timed in at 9.51 (ugh!)

i've read my previous post.. it was lonely. i have no time to be lonely lately. or at least not for a long time. i can have some moments to think at least. when i am in the bus to and from work, i am by myself... then i think of what happened, everyhting i could think of. i even cry sometimes, my silliness.

i am loving the movies of Lindsay Lohan. and Rachel Addams. and Mischa wahtever... that's all for now. i'm loving my work though. it's fun. it's like a game everyday, and my officemates are superb when it comes to naughtiness. my superiors are so nice, so they all make my job lighter! duh. i wouldn't really love to work in a place of robots (or humans trying to be robots or the sorts!)

what else? i guess that's all. i have to e-mail my ooolder sis.

oh, by the way, the Luzon District Rally has just passed... it was nice. especially on the last night. plus the games topped it all. sobrang saya...

i'm still sort of grieving... i can't accept the fact that my "nanay" left me... i so often catch myself pensive, almost about to burst into tears. and when i do realize that i'm getting sentimental, i just smile, which is more like to say, "you're crazy"... well... almost.

i just can't understand why. why did she have to inquire for my number? then she would just leave me? it would have been a little unnoticed if only we didn't communicate on the month that she was to die...

i don't blame her, though. i blame the circumstances, the situation... how could she be so far away? why can't i see her before the tomb seals her away from me?

i want to sit next to her... hear her sing again, see her smile... but it's all gone now. i can only hear her now in memories... watch her in our classroom in my dreams...

sometimes i wish it's just a joke, or a dream... or better yet, a movie. after all the hard scenes, after that the characters die, we'll be able to see them still on the premiere, or on the next movie... that it really isn't over for them yet.

death itself is just the beginning for those that were left. the the hardest part for me is the acceptance, and the dealing with the fact that in the future, there'll be no "nanay" waiting for me in Guimaras.

remember when i posted that Guimaras is my favorite province? it's kind of dim now. i so much want to remember it as beautiful... white sands, almost green shore, and a happy place. i'm a different person when i'm there. i'm worry-free.

but lately, the name gives me pain, oil slick now ruined more than half of the entire shoreline... people are sickly and the sea creatures dead... even the whales ran away from their habitat...

i reposted "THIS" on my friendster blog after i posted it on my bulletin board.

and i got a sensible reply:
"in time, everything will be destroyed, missed or lost, but your heart will be the home of a thousand memories that will never be lost for as long as you are breathing."
... from jedAi, (my OldEr sis who's nOw bound by the ties of marrej.)

king theoden in the lord of the rings said that one shouldn't grieve for someone whose time has come... but can it be helped? once i was always so excited to go back to my former school... but now, i doubt if i can even get near Guimaras without shedding a bucketful of tears, let alone step on the school ground with a smile.

Just this month, there were three people in my life who passed away...

There's "kuya" jorge, the ultimate basagulero in our community, but a kitten when it comes to my lola. He was shot dead...

Then, lola Grant... my regrets were few, like not sending her a birthday card on her 96th birthday last July 16. but i'm happy that she's resting already. and the hope's in there that she'll see lolo, and us (hopefully) someday...

And 2 days ago, my class adviser when i was in high school... my "nanay"....

I'm wondering what all these are for...

at least when i die, you have this. di ba?

my very favorite province. i'm awfully glad i went there last may 8, after 4 years! it's really a mystery to me... of all 7,107 islands in the Philippine archipelago, why does it has to be Guimaras??

:( nice, isn't it?

and it to think that it would take some years for it to recover...:-(

:( nice, isn't it?

it was so beautiful...

this was before the oil spill of course

my sole province in a state of calamity :-(

did they get married today? i'm not sure if my sister really got married today... i wish her all the best just the same.

i'm liking my account on myspace nowadays, because it's active, unlike when i first made that account. i really made it so i can add kelly osbourne ;-)

tomorrow i will be busy decorating the bulletin board...

i'm liking this certain cake, i just forgot the name, it was from circles something in Shang.

i'm gaining fats all over my body, and it sucks.

my night!

i can't find the right words that will describe it, it's just too bad.

hope it will change in a little later...

i'm listening to 3 doors down's here without you it's just too beautiful, although i haven't had time yet to comprehend the lyrics, im just up to the music.

and my room has been redecorated. i have removed the headboard and put it as a nook to welcome you when you get there, and the study desk is now beside my bed, as if you are so familiar with it! i just like it, though... specially in the afternoons, when the sun's rays get inside my room through my windows and the music background is kenny g.'s sax! it's something for me...

i love max's caramel bar. i hope they sell it. i think it just comes as a complimentary dessert. but it tastes heavenly. speaking of "heavenly", last night, i also had a cake, i just don't know the exact name, but it's like ube-layered cheesecake. very yummy. i'm really so shallow. ang ligaya ko na do'n.

I am a... Superman (really?...)

You are mild-mannered, good,
strong and you love to help others.



Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

i'm waiting for jade to go online...

i watched the Titanic music video with elton john and Leann's "written in the stars" as background, and it's so good. and i searched for some lyrics over the net and found out that it was so perfect! i was actually touched by its lyrics, and it fits the movie so well, so better that celine dion's song. but i like celine, just the same.

i'm waiting for Jedai to go online...

it's so sad :-( i want to go home. i don't even know where home is... :-(

the place we've moved in doesn't appeal as a "home" to me. that's why i went here. extending my vacation once again.

i went home, or i went out of Guimaras, rather, tuesday, may 16 &  boarded superferry 15 at 12 noon. it's supposed to leave at 12.45 but i think it left the iloilo port at 1.45... they were all telling me to stay longer back at lola's house but i had to go.

jade's here. post again next time...

kaya lang ang dami pa. we went to buhang... i liked hemadee kasi she's sweet... i don't want my lolo there... i have so big problems...

but i've to go now.

just as i said...

(i'll try to make it sound nice... i'm depressed talaga eh)

so this morning, we went out of Guimaras island..

okei. i'll start Sunday. Last Sunday, we went to Manapla. had a good time eating seafoods because they were fresh. and had a boating trip and swimming in the middle of the sea. had race with our friends on the other boat and almost capsized!

Monday morning, while the others went to Manila, we went to Guimaras... went to the Buhang river, was it a river? basta it's nice kasi it has a cave that has lots of water in it... and cold and clear!!! problem is we went home soaking wet...

Yesterday, they went back to Manapla, save for tita bok and cale who enjoyed our white sand!

and this morning, i went to Bacolod before here, met with riz...

yes, i'm here, fresh from my boat trip!

it's 3.30 in the afternoon and my head's slightly aching from the heat and stress.

so, we left my house at 5 yesterday morning and went to G.A.I. where we would assemble with all the others. i was sleepless because i still had my last hours packing and i had to cook our food (baon) and breakfast. (yes, i held a small homily before i left our home if you dare ask!)

THE pastor brought us to the port, and i snoozed for just a while on his car. we went aboard the ship at almost 9.30 because the ship was supposed to leave at ten hundred hours, but unfortunately we left PIER DOS at already 11 am! so i slept comfortably in my bunk until the heat just woke me up, and i was all sweaty and already being bothered by my headache! so we went down, and continued my sleep in the tourist class, where the others are, or rather, MOST of them are! i woke up and had my VERY late lunch and dinner at 7 pm and bathed, and before 10 pm, i was already asleep, at the business class. i woke up at 6.30 am and the boat docked at Iloilo port so i was able to see my sole province, Guimaras...

i happen to see the siete picados too on our way to Bacolod. and, honestly, i'm still dizzy. i feel like i'm still on a ship!

i have to hurry because i still have a lot of things to do, our conference starts tonight! i'll keep you posted!

darn it... i just can't get over it!!! i'm still falling to Carly Simon's song no matter how many times I play it...

i'm kind of excited thinking about our forthcoming conference in Bacolod City. kase we'll be going by ship na naman, which WAS my favorite place on earth (when i was elementary). i find it romantic kasi and serene especially when you're on the roof deck and just looking at the horizon. plus: i'm going to Guimaras, my favorite province! hehe, as if i have many? and i'll be taking the supercat, which would be my first time! and i might consider going home by plane, if i get myself so tired and decide to spare myself from the hassle of boarding a ship.

His song "Nobody Does It Better" just makes me want to fall in love... But its music video was something censored. There was a part that I didn't like. How am I supposed to put it on it linkies???

But there was someone who arranged it on his piano, and was it so good... I just have to make a way to put it on my links.

Kei, enough of that. I was able to see the movie "Moments of Love" and it was really good. It made me cry on its happiest part! I was so silly taking pity for them, Marco (Dingdong Dantes) and Divina (Iza Calzado) but they really were pathetically in love with each other even when there was no way they could meet! And when they FINALLY see each other in FLESH, reincarnation and imagination aside, everyone was laughing out loud with the redundancy of the situation (imagine Dingdong Dantes being paired with Ms. Gloria Romero being the old Iza Calzado!) but I was crying behind my laughter! It was so touching, her love and longing to see him was still there... And it was so good talaga. Even foreigners claimed that it should go international! How bright the Filipinos are!

By the way, 94 years ago, Titanic took its maiden voyage. How could I forget my favorite movie? Actually I told Graci this morning (even when she was on the bathroom) "do you know that Jack and Rose met today??!" *lol*

Moments of Love and Titanic have some resemblance, though. Their poster is one. The ship disaster is another. And some scenes...

Our voice lesson graduation was postponed to who-knows-when. I'm disappointed, really.

last Saturday, Gracee and I went to Bijit at Gotesco Regency Towers. then afterwards, we went to visit my relatives at Manila... zoo. ;-)
i saw the elephants...
the monkeys, the orangutan who had a poor kitten as her toy...
anteaters, bearcat, different species of birds and snakes...
iguanas, bats, civets, peacocks, ducks, and miniature farm animals...
crocodiles, wild boars, tigers, and many more.

and we heard the hippo laugh, by the way.

we have pictures of us holding the baby crocodile, and the snake. but i don't have time to upload.

then from manila zoo, we went to harrison plaza and bumped into ate tet and ate dianne! of all places...

then we went to star city to see yves and his girl but they went home na pala.

the next day, we went to malolos, bulacan after the church service. i'm supposed to have my sister's papers signed by our father, but i slept on the van on our way and when we got off, i suddenly realized i left it on the van. IMAGINE MY FRIGHT.

so we went back to north edsa to find the van. i tripled my faith...

luckily, graci remembered the driver's shirt. it was tattered. so when we told the other drivers about it, they knew who it was immediately. and he returned to the site for us. whew.

and we slept over because it was already late for us to go back to Manila. we watched movies all night long...

the next day we were supposed to go to Laguna but heck.. we chose to rest.

Last night was voice lessons again, second session. It wasn't as enjoying as the first, but did we produce a very nice sound!

i watched "built for the kill" this afternoon on "the animal planet" and i cried! i'll tell you WHY tomorrow. masakit talaga ang ulo ko....

(continuation...)

supposing TODAY is "the tomorrow". (cause it's already "tomorrow"'s tomorrow!)

why i cried over that show: it was because the story was of course, of the wild. actually, at first, we had a good laugh over the herbivore animals which they described in one word as "prey". and also the close encounters of i-forgot-his-name. because the snake bit him right on his nose! sure, it wasn't something to laugh at but it was just funny!
then the setting and story changed to DROUGHT. i have seen many animals being devoured by carnivorous animals before. it wan't as touching as the elephant's story...
kse nga drought di ba? so the elephants went on to find a place with water. but one mother elephant was left behind because she was waking her calf up. but he wasn't moving and she didn't want to leave him. so she kept on moving him with her trunk. but she still had one calf, other than this one who was already dead, and it was calling her to go with the pack to find water. but she wouldn't leave her "bunso" behind. and the lions were lurking around. and she charged at them and they knew that she was not to be messed around with.
and she really would not leave even when her living calf would press her to. she just stood guard beside her dead calf and still trudging him to get up.
then finally, as if realizing that her older calf has to live, she decided to leave him behind. the lions are becoming impatient then. and she has to take care of her living calf. the one that died is smaller than this one living. and when they started to walk, that was when i started to become teary-eyed! and finally, my tear really started to fall when she stopped and dramatically looked back at her calf, still laying there dead... it was so touching... boohoo... tapos umalis na sila...

which you really should read!

it's posted on my friendster blog ...

it's good.

I don't actually remember what kept me busy this week.

Last Sunday I went out with friends and had too late lunch at Max's. Iba talaga pag libre...

Monday I went out with my half-sister RJ because we weren't able to go out on her 7th birth day because her grandmom died a day before. We went to Metro! Market Market, all expenses paid by our ooolder sister Jade of course. RJ went crazy on their playground, not minding that she was wearing a skirt and the world gets to see her underwear when she climbs up the ladders to the slides.

Saturday we went to Laguna for RJ's celebration. We arrived as early as 7.30 and jumped to the pool at almost 9 (i think. or earlier?) and we left at 2.30. We'd be having service at 5 pm so we had to leave early. I wanted a balloon :-(
Jojo and Gerald were trying to teach me to swim, and so was Gracee but I really can't. I want to... but I can't. boohoo :'(

Yesterday, Family Day. Spent the day watching TV. So I have seen "Ang Tanging Ina" (starring AiAi) and part of "Can This Be Love?" (i can't stand watching that movie), "Shrek 2" (y'know.. ogres?) and "World's Scariest Explosions Caught on Tape" on AXN. It's often interrupted though, because I check on the local stations for updates on what's happening on Fort Bonifacio once in a while...

I went to Alabang Town Center last night. I wanted to watch "Close To You"... Secret lang ha? Bawal k'se eh. Anyway, I didn't. So no need for a fuss.

I don't know why but I am loving Cloud 9 classic these days.

valentine.

do i dread?... i don't think so.

my half-sister's grandmother passed away last friday, and so we went to their house in Los Banos, Laguna yesterday. we had a good laugh on our way when my grandmother put on her veil, or whatever you call it, because it looks like a wig on which she looked blonde! my mom said she plans to wear that thing when they go to Guimaras on March 01. hilarious.
we walked around the place (actually we did nothing but walk around their place!) we went to the park, and the nearby resorts which overlook, or are beside the Laguna Lake itself. we left at 10 pm. they were all fast asleep on our way back.

kanina... i watched on my grandmother's place again, maricel soriano this time. medyo o.a. but i've always liked her. and we ate tikoy.

tapos i saw someone special.

...kawawang pusa...
... at ang katotohanan...

totoo nga naman... di ba?
this is from a blog of someone i don't know... kse i went blog-hopping! heheh! there's one picture of paris hilton which is somehow insulting kaya ayokong i-grab! haha! pero nakakatawa talaga!

i was at my dear grandmother's bedroom this afternoon and there was nothing to watch so i turned to a local channel which was airing an old sharon flick, co-starring bong revilla. and it felt good to watch a love story these days, as valentine is soon approaching.then you'll realize that you are actually dreaming (or remembering) how good it felt to be in love, or to have a crush, whom you have been "stalking" just for him to notice you... and the agony of a heartbreak when you find out that he's been cheating on you (thanks to your ever-reliable intuition), and how despair you get because you still love him, yet the word pride seems to be the word of the day... and the thrill of the phrase "you & me against the world"
...*...someone feels mushy...*
i ain't sure if i am speaking by experience. who knows?

it's been a wwwwwwwwwhile...

i'll be giving you updates. yes, we went to Laguna. it was nice, although i don't swim good, life jackets helped a lot! i like the aftermath. sun-kissed face.

my new year went quite good. or maybe not. the firework displays made up for it.

i had a cake for my birthday. now that's different. i also had roses, gifts, and giLbey's. it doesn't happen every year. i don't remember blowing my own birthday candle. i only get to blow a candle after my sister, cause she always has one (or two?). and her birthday is 7 months way after mine, so i can't pretend it's mine.

my life so far... better blog. still alone (not vying for a boyfriend though!). heartbroken. doing good so far.

later on the yp service, think i'm gonna be back-up singer again (2nd time). my dream has now come to reality *yahoo*... the dream i didn't dream of, yet came to reality: me being a choir leader. i started last wednesday. and despite all the hindrances (even before the first practice!) i still went on. i know many more hardship will come my way, i just have to lean on Him. (wee.. bait ko?)

by the way, our emblem lost. not too much, but yet too much! i don't want to brag how beautiful our emblem is because it didn't win anyway. they deserve it anyway. that i can accept.