friends and grey's

Saturday, May 08, 2010

airplane

i have 137 friends and it makes me sad :( i was browsing through my friend's list and i didn't know where to start deleting...


i just don't want to be like one of those people who has, like, 200 friends --half of which she hasn't even met. and you call it friends list??

i mean, i don't want to miss out on the rants and ramblings of the people who matter to me posts about, and in facebook, you will be opening a feed crowded by people you don't even know, because they were on your list.

i know. i have these lists: acquaintances, bahrain friends, church family, kins and clans, formers and interests. i know i can just click on my list so their feed will be loaded on my page, BUT still ---can't i just open my homepage and see what i want to see?

and besides, you will be opening your page to those people --or i mean, I will be opening MY page to those people i haven't even met?... i know people who are judgmental, they tend to judge on others' post or comment, or page. and i'm not fond of being judged by people who haven't even met me. i don't care about what they say, i just don't want to give them the chance.

and if you are reading this... do not talk to me about my blog. it embarrasses me. seriously. there was this one time (at band camp --jk) when somebody mentioned my blog to me, and we aren't even friends. i know him and yet him talking to me about my rants here, is really not a thing i would want to stay for a chat with.

so, today i went halfway season 2 of grey's anatomy (for the 5th time i guess) it started last week when i didn't have much to do in the house. because i finished all the other things i had to. and now, i'm super bored. because i got up to eat and don't feel like going back to bed to watch again.

i took off the jalousies of the bedroom window and i saw the stars (*smiley here*) i missed them when i was in Bahrain. and i saw a distant airplane. and i was nostalgic. i thought i was back in BH and the loneliness just engulfed me, i really thought I was back in BH! because those are the kinds of plane i would see from the car on the way home. they are that far away that i had to drive around the airport, which is on a separate island, just to see them close. my friend, jonathan, would ask why. of course, he was wondering why... and i just told him i needed to check if they were okay, coz they were my link to the Philippines, they would take me back home. he just knew airplanes mean a lot to me.

so even here, in the phils., i still see planes like a vessel of hope :) i already mentioned one time that one of my friends caught me staring pensively at an airplane passing by. i'm just really wondering if the passengers inside are happy, coz they were traveling, or are going to meet someone special on their destination. or sad, because they have been taken away from their home.

so... grey's infected me. meredith said... in the absence of hope, i need to stay in bed and feel like i might die today. which brings me back to -- me being rejected!

who --in their right mind-- would apply in a call center with a hoarse voice?... of course, i didn't apply. they re-scheduled me for an interview which i didn't show up on months ago. i didn't know there was gonna be a voice/speech recognition exam. i heard my own voice on the headset --it sounded like someone was gasping for air! so it went until the interview, and i forgot to mention, i had so much use of my voice last week, it was on short supply this week. i was so confident! grrrr!

so they called me --and said "hey, guess what? you aced the exams, you got high scores on the computer simulation, and english literacy, and your typing skill's above average, but you just don't have a clear voice. sorry, try again after three months."

which got me singing --it's my first broken heart... my dreams have dimmed and ended, it's my first broken heart... i don't know how to mend it, tell me where do i start?...

what to do. send me a message and tell me what to do! don't post on my page, i WILL kill you.

bugger

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Bahrain

my youngest brother is watching Harry Potter -- very loudly. i can't even hear my own thoughts!


so i have to think LOUD. literally. (*grr*)

we had an American visitor for our Sunday service, and there was one thing he said that had me wishing it were true. he said, if only the trees and the rocks can speak, they would tell us lots of stories...

because i always miss bro. Grant, and i always find myself wishing he was here, just so i could talk to him. back in Bahrain, i always stash a box of jelly beans in my bag. bro. Grant used to give me lots of them when i was a child. so it's like keeping his memory in my bag every time.

up until now, i find myself being struck by the fact that i am in the Philippines. i am so grateful to be here. i don't really love the traffic, the dust, the buses, the unethical drivers, the heat, commuting, the noise, and unemployment, but i definitely love waking to see the Philippine sky, the clouds, the church, our compound, my grands, my family, my bed (most especially!), my church family, my best friend, and Jollibee. plus the gravy. the latter is incomparable as the former is inevitable, so i just have to deal with all of it.

last sunday night, i got to watch It's Complicated. and i loved Meryl Streep all over again. she's just so good, and so natural. she's really a legend, according to some articles i've read. it's just sad, how the movie went. coming from a broken family myself, i hoped they gave it another chance. i watched it thrice already, but i don't finish it most of the time because it's sad. and i don't really like Steve Martin for her, coz i see him as comical as he portrays that on most of his movies i've seen.

"a baby? reall-ly jake?" i liked that line.

interesting day...

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Bahrain

i got people asking me WHY?


to begin with, i resigned last Monday, with all the best intentions in mind. (kidding)

so when the news came out that i REALLY was going home (coz i have been telling them, but they won't believe) all i got was WHY?! you have a nice life here, it's better here than in the philippines. and a whole lot of speculations, one of which, of course, is the unending tale that i am pregnant (how i wish i were), which sometimes go down to i will be having an abortion. crazy, right? that's how it is here in bahrain. i thought gossiping was filipino's past time, how'd you guess other nationalities do best? or worse? (whaev)

so i had a list of REASON WHY. and WHY SO SOON, two-page enumeration of those two. well, it saved my time and sweet saliva.

i had men actually threatening to hunt me down in the philippines, when i don't wanna give them my address and number (like, why?!) and one boy (okay, a man who acts like a little boy) ho actually cried. oh i broke his heart :( poor thing.

best friends?

Friday, July 10, 2009

Bahrain

i can't think of a better title.


it's past 2 a.m. and i am just about to sleep. i just finished making my chicken macaroni salad (painstaking!) and jellies for a friend's birthday tomorrow. i just thought that since she's away from her family, i'd try to make her happy even just a tiny-teeny bit (whatever that is).

so i got home 10.30, because my friends and i went to Marina mall after (my) work to have dinner, which i barely touched (coz i'm sad for a reason). and then tried to help another friend look for a decent white dress... i was wondering, really, how and why i met this one! she's a heartbreak. her life, and her present job, and she's helpless. i know i have problems of my own but i just feel like helping her the best i can.

so, after tiring myself from walking around the mall, (back and forth the racks and fitting room --like a mother!) i finally got home and hurriedly ran to the nearby cold store to get the ingredients we don't have. when i got i the store, the cashier introduced me to their new help, by saying "this is my best friend" ... of course i was polite and said hi back, but my mind was asking "since when have we became best of friends?"

i mean, i don't even know her name! hahaha... yeah, i go there, we spend time talking, but best friend? no worries, she's not gonna read this. i'm just surprised that somebody actually considered me her best friend. it takes a long time for me to consider somebody my best friend, so... there.

and a best friend for me, is someone who knows you inside out, and accepts you for who you are. and is there in good AND bad times. maybe i have high standards, and also being possessive, makes it hard for me to find one here in Bahrain. anyway it's not like a requirement.

and before i forget... last night, while waiting for the pedestrian to clear between Seef mall and the parking lot, i was talking to my friend, and a car stopped so we could cross. and oh my god, it was a Ferrari in front of me! i mean, i have seen one before, but it was gliding with the Porsche. nothing i just wanna make a blog note.

one year anniversary...

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Bahrain

imagine... one year na ako sa Bahrain? i thought i wouldn't last this long.


Economic Crisis and Global Warming prodded me to stay... ;-)

i'm planning to go home on August. i hope it comes true. i really don't like it here anymore. nor the way i am...

i don't know if i actually losing or gaining weight. i go hungry most of the times, so my face is a little haunched, but i eat so much at applebee's or chili's (or macaroni grill) that i always feel bloated! what's with me? i don't want to be too much fat, nor thin. but i love eating. moderately if i can help it.

notice...


...july 02, 2008 - july (almost) 02, 2009

i have new friends, and i like hanging out with them, but i believe in the saying "familiarity breeds contempt", so i'll be a little reserved. although -- i'm happy that some people who once snubbed me because of some tattletale about me a colleague spreaded, are actually coming to me now, making friends with me.

that's why i believe that -- let me rephrase that -- i STRONGLY believe that vindication is better than revenge. as long as i don't and didn't do anything wrong to anyone, i will not stoop down to anyone's low standards...

MICHAEL JACKSON died! i remember writing on my journal earlier this year about the dreams that i had... one was that a famous singer will die. next is that most plane crash will be caused by storms. it's happened. last summer, i told my former officemate that she will be pregnant this year, (i saw it in my dreams) and last night, they told me that she was, and she was blaming me? imagine?

so i have to sleep. hoho's in guimaras now. envy.

are you happy?

Monday, June 01, 2009

Bahrain

our company driver asked this of me while on the way home. of course, i thought about it thoroughly before i answered......

"no, im not happy" (remembering Mr. Incredible's conversation with his boss: "i'm not happy bob...")

and i was reprimanded! "you should be happy. God gave you all. why are you not happy?"

eh sa hindi nga ako masaya eh...

Of course I AM grateful for all my faculties. i am always thankful for my voice which i use to sing for Him, praise Him... and converse with people. for having complete sets of body parts, (and teeth!) and my eyes, and everything...

but as of now, living and working 4,576 miles from home, how can I possibly be happy?

but of course I can't tell that to him! it's just hard. conversing... :D

sleeping over now at irish's flat. i had a lasagna dinner at macaroni grill, which just opened their bahrain branch 3 or 4 days ago. it was bland. or i just can't reach the pepper coz the table was so wide! their table top was covered with white sheet of paper, and beside the condiments, were crayons.

very creative. of course if they out on something like that, the customers won't notice (so much) that they've been waiting for almost an hour for their food. and when the food has finally been served, you can spill sauce anywhere, anytime you like. coz it'll be your doodles (or drawings if you're much of an artist) you'll be staining, not the table cloth.

we've had few dips on the (cool and salty) pool... and now we're ready to hit the sack. nytnyt.

BIA

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

airplane

here now at the Bahrain International Airport. waiting for the boarding time. some of the people are sleeping. it's 11 pm, so i hope also i can sleep on the plane. 


i'm sure we'll be running after the sun AGAIN like my plane had last time. it was 9 pm already on my watch, and the sun was still up. 11 pm i checked outside again, and the sun was still up! although it was setting, it just went out of our sight when we were descending.

so now, i'm sure in a matter of an hour, there'll be sunlight outside.

i can see the plane from here. i hope i can sit now so i'll start to sleep. it's a direct flight so no hassle.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Bahrain

i woke up in a yellow world. it was very yellow outside and i thought it was just the window tint. some effects. but when i went to the bathroom where the window was open and evrything was yellow, i knew i had to ask before i freak out that i'm color blind except for yellow.


sandstorm lang pala... after an hour, back to normal ang kulay ng room. but when i went outside (where i had to walk to the end of the street coz the car can't go inside our street coz of road construction) the other buildings weren't visible because of the thick dust and sand.

i hate sandstorm. my head was aching all day coz dust gathered in my contact lens. how was i supposed to know it would hurt that much?

the last day

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Bahrain

the present is year is about to end in about 22 hours and 37 minutes. another year to look back to. there were good days, and of course there will always be bad. it must always be balanced or else, you're abnormal.


this year, i got to know a part of me better. i knew my weaknesses and strengths. before, i was always asked this same question for a job interview and i would tell the most shallow reasons. but now i know better.

my strength is my family. they keep me going.  i realized that as vain as i am, i'd rather send all my money to my family back home. that's how less spending i am on myself. my reason is, life is short. i have to make the most out of it. but not for myself, but to those people i love and care about. i want them to be happy. making them happy makes me happy.  i want to make them happy hanggang kaya ko.

my weakness would be my emotions. i often let it interfere with my daily activities and even with my socializing. because i am not a pretender. i show what i want to show, but with consideration to others, of course.

this coming year, we cannot promise ourselves to change this, or do that. because we don't have control of our tomorrow. all we can do is really show kindness to others. do what would make you happy today. live well. love much. laugh often. happy new year from bahrain.

off day

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Bahrain

i couldn't believe i woke up 3 pm today! i hardly believed my sis when i asked her what time it was and she said 3! that's how exhausted i was this past week, and i am so happy that i was able to catch up on my sleep...


i turned my mobile to silent mode since last night. and i haven't checked it yet, so there'll probably be some angry people confronting me tomorrow ;) but i really want to have the day to myself. i miss being left alone!

my first weeks here were so dull, work-home-work. all i ever talk to were my sister and her husband. and some office people. and i miss it sometimes. i don't know why. i think i'm being suffocated with all the demands my work entails...

it's 10.18 now... better sleep, another tiresome week ahead! and oh i just remembered... i could die of envy! they will be having "Holy Ghost sunday" tomorrow in Bicutan! so sad i can't be there...


Monday, September 08, 2008

Bahrain

i believe i've written before that i like meryl streep. i first started liking her on her movie "falling in love" which was like the english version of "minsan minahal kita" of sharon and richard, which i also (used to) like.


then i liked her more on "the prairie home companion". i like her voice, it's small and she's so vanilla. and she sings well, too, for an actress. even in "the devil wears prada" i was looking forward to hearing her talk, which most of the time would just be "that's all...".

and now, i can't wait to see "mamma mia" because she'll be singing again. and i liked the trailer, i hope the movie itself won't disappoint me when i get to watch it. i am sooo disappointed with "the mummy 3"! i always liked rachel weisz, and her not being on the sequel of her own movie is just the biggest mistake...

oh well, i must get some sleep now...

about to sleep...

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Bahrain

i don't know why i'm sad today. maybe they've noticed, kuya francis called me "emo" when he looked at the rearview mirror of his car and i was keeping my silence back there, on the way home from Seef Mall.


truth is, i really wanted to cry. i just can't find the right time and place. i think its time to admit that this is the lowest point of my life. we all come to that one way or another... and my time has come.

i have so many reasons:
1. i am so far from my home church
2. i don't like the people
3. OP ako kahit saan, kahit sa bahay
4. i miss my bed -- so much
5. i don't like my job... nasasayang na ang training ko! wala na, panis na... and i always strive to get the job that i love. it's very important to me that i am loving my work, i am loving what i am doing. but i'm left with no choice. 
6. i don't like my superiors
7. i don't like my place of work
8. i don't understand the people -- plus they're not so happy people, they're war-freak even.
9. i really don't like the people
10. i am always inferior -- which has never -- ever-- happened.

so now comes the big question: how long can i put up with all these? i need the strength. Lord, please give me patience... but if there's one wish that i could be granted, that would be to make the days go fast. fastest there could ever be. 

i wanna go to my bed...

first blog in Bahrain

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Bahrain

it's already 12 midnight here. so it's 5 in manila and i'm supposed to be sleeping but i need to do some e-mails, so i thought of posting a blog.


i arrived last night, after a very long flight from manila. cathay took me 40,000 feet high. there was a sand storm when i arrived so all looks dull. and i started to work today, jade won't let me rest. anyway tomorrow is rest day, and so is friday that should be enough.

i survived first day. and tonight arianne took us to casa mexicana for dinner because they're leaving tomorrow, she and her boyfriend John. it was ok although it was noisy. the food is great, and i met susan and judy, who are inviting again for dinner tomorrow.