all i know is that i am sad. coz it's gonna be christmas but i am here. i don't even want to know that it's christmas, except when somebody greets me, which annoys me most of the time. and then my sister will play some christmas songs, i really have to hold back my tears. it's just too difficult.

it's an advantage that they don't celebrate christmas here. means, i don't have to really feel it. except most of the time, it really sinks in. and i'm more than sad.

i really don't want to celebrate. when some friends invite me, i just say i am not in a celebratory mood. it's gonna be superficial if i become happy for the moment. i don't wanna force myslef to be happy. coz i am not.

one happy thought for today is the message i received in my friendster. it made my day. and that jared is starting to grab the ref magnets. that's a first.